This Week’s Say

We all want to be seen as cool, it’s okay to admit it. This is a safe space. A new staple of being cool in this generation relates directly to someone’s online presence. When describing someone to a friend whom I think they would get along with, I am inclined to display their Instagram feed like some kind of resumé, proving their alignment of vibes. In Chanté Joseph’s latest piece in British Vogue, Joseph probes our need to be perceived as cool, specifically those with partners, as she questions readers, “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?”.

As someone who struggles with relapsing into a state of limerance yet at the same time maintains intense independence, Joseph’s article has inspired me to no end, affirming my inner monologue on how I “do” single. The article is not just written for single women, nor is it dismissing heterosexual romantic relationships altogether. Joseph is merely questioning what purpose a boyfriend serves in a woman’s perception, online behaviours and personality at large. 

I have always been a chronically online child (not to be confused with an iPad kid, how dare you), my internet habits only increasing with age, because I search for entertainment and inspiration from people who share their creativity online. Without the internet, I don’t know how much longer it would have taken me to pick up a pen and paper and start sharing my writing.

So, when Joseph’s opinion piece dropped last week and my TikTok algorithm was flooded with fellow single women rejoicing, it was time for me to commence some self-reflection (form big brain concepts of my own) as an avenue to decipher what it all means to me as a notoriously single-and-dating person in my friends' lives.

Personally, I don't write or make much content about my dating life because I see it as an easy out for content’s sake. My blog is a place I come to express my creativity, whereas my dating life has very little to do with my creativity. Sure, some of my experiences and behaviours before, during and after dates are arguably creative, but my dating life is not representative of who I am.

Don’t let my impulse to turn away from partner-centred content offend you. It is not isolated to videos of girlfriends proudly doing trending TikToks with their boyfriends; I can barely watch the videos of boyfriends showing me intel into their plans to propose to their girlfriend. The excited man sits there, eyeing off the ring he has to hide on the way to their favourite hike - I am so far from an engagement it is not funny.

My adverse reactions are partly due to a pang of envy, I won’t shy away from that, but also because it’s not the content I look for online. I search for inspiration, something to make me laugh or something to bring me comfort. These are all traits I look for in friendships. Perhaps that’s why many straight women are less likely to share their boyfriend on their Insta stories multiple times a week: even in a platonic context, to our followers online, we are yearning for acceptance.

One of my favourite excerpts from the piece:

“Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement, and, if anything, it’s become more of a flex to pronounce yourself single. As straight women, we’re confronting something that every other sexuality has had to contend with: a politicization of our identity.”

In a nutshell, women have ardently worked for years to be respected as individuals in their own right, burning the narrative from previous times when they were expected to be of service to men, and casting away men’s usefulness in contributing to their perception in society altogether.

Single women are sick of being pigeonholed as the burning-bra feminist types who pride themselves on hating men. People in relationships don’t want to be seen as glued at the hip with their partner; the last thing they want to be known as is codependent. All this to say, if I had a partner who I thought was the best thing since sliced bread, I would want to post them too - please continue to post your partner whom you love! But rest assured that you have more than enough going for yourself, even without them in the picture (metaphorically and literally). 

I cannot confidently say that if I end up dating a Jacob Elordi type, I would or wouldn’t post them constantly. Time will tell, but this little corner of the internet will always be here, so you know where to find my true self.