This Week’s Say

One of the potential suitors I spent time with this year, let’s call him Fabio, and I met at a local bar for our fifth date. A couple of Negronis in and we were having a lovely time as we discussed our plans for the upcoming weekend. Fabio was going to be celebrating a friend's birthday where he and two mates have dinner and a night out, their annual tradition.

Like any perfectly written character trio, one of them takes it too far, always wanting to stay out past 2am at least, one is engaged to be married and happy to be home by ten, and the third is my date - a self-proclaimed happy-go-lucky lover of the dancefloor who doesn’t shy away from another drink. 

Much like myself, Fabio agrees that being out until 2am to celebrate a mere 26 years of life is not ‘taking it too far’; this common thread between us was something I valued in our short time together. He would just about fall off his chair if he read me referring to it as our time “together”. He was allergic to labels, but that’s a topic to broach another day.

What struck me was Fabio’s interpretation of his engaged friends' preferences. “He barely makes it past midnight, which is fair enough, his fiancée will be sitting at home waiting for him” Fabio explained to me in an obvious tone. It’s moments like these you realise you are indeed dating strangers, people who don’t know you or your general preferences or, in my case, strong feminist ideals.

So, I questioned why his mate couldn’t extend his personal curfew to celebrate his friend's birthday. Fabio got defensive, “it makes sense he would want to get home to her after being out all night with the boys” (SWAP THE QUOTES?). Assuming the woman is capable of looking after herself and secure in her betrothal, I assured my date that the fiancée would be fine.

Although I have no context for this woman at all, I still questioned the whole “he’s gotta get back to her at home” of it all. What does that even mean? Does he longingly look at her as he leaves the house, comforting her with the promise of his triumphant return before midnight? Because I do not know these people, I am making big assumptions here. They could be an anomaly. But I know they are not, so I ask - does having a partner age us socially?

Does having a safe haven, make us more likely to act like we are too old to possibly flirt with the idea of staying out for the sake of staying out, without the accompaniment of our partner? I my experience, even if the partner is there, the likelihood of bailing earlier than single friends is higher. Maybe it isn’t social aging but our literal aging that I am in denial of. 

Maybe I am just being sour; the memories of nights being cut short still sting when I think of them. Sour about the effort I put into getting ready, the makeup looking perfect for no reason, because the local pub patrons only saw it for 45 minutes, and no one begged at my feet to dance with them.

So, because this is my blog where I share my opinions, I don’t want any reader to take this personally. It is merely a public service announcement to my next boyfriend: I don’t want you to think I am sitting at home waiting for you. Literally, I might be anticipating your return because I am fond of you, but rest assured I won’t be on a girls' night out and wondering if you’re okay and can tuck yourself into bed.

Much like all of my dates, this one left me with inspiration. Thank you, and good luck out there, Fabio.