I dare you to peer through the looking glass

Now, in the hangover of the holiday period, likely returning to our routine lives pre-festive season, most of us will have had an uncomfortable conversation with a family member, trying to answer a question about our lives. Soon scrambling to justify your Gen-Z habits to a boomer uncle or explaining to a parent that you’ve changed your mind about your university course.

These conversations have been happening for most of our lives, but we still get caught off guard by them. Cast your memory back to any family event you’ve ever attended between the ages of 15 and now. Think of how many times you were asked the dreaded question, “What are your plans for the future?”

I’m sure the question was asked with the best intentions, so try to resist telling them to shut up if you’re unsure of your answer. And for those reading who have an answer, I’m glad that the conversation was probably more straightforward for you.

A valued reader suggested I write on this topic, and in their enquiry, mentioned their fear of the future. Despite their excitement and welcoming attitude towards “the spontaneous surprises life throws at us, the ones you don’t and can’t prepare for”, they still chose fear to describe their feelings. Although it’s an understandable emotion to attribute to life’s uncertainty, I would argue there is nothing to truly be fearful of. 

Now, don’t read that and roll your eyes. I am not saying it without insecurity in my own future and what it may bring. I have grown to believe that attributing negative emotions to something we have yet to experience is detrimental to the experience or event before it’s even come to fruition. I see it in friends and family members, and I only hope that my advice to them doesn’t come across as ignorant or self-righteous.

Our brains are hard-wired to keep us safe, functioning in fight, flight or freeze at any given moment. But still, as the ever-emotive creatures we are, we should let our feelings flow and change with the day. Do not completely reject negativity, but don’t confuse it with a gut feeling. Gut feelings are necessary for protecting us from things that don’t serve us; negativity is a choice rather than intuition. 

The reader asks about the process of “choosing a course that you hope is the right fit for you”. I truly think for a while, it is a series of hopeful decisions. We hope something is the right fit for us, hence why we chose it in the first place. Hope is exactly what we need to enter into uncertain scenarios with: hope to learn something, hope we enjoy it for what it is and how long it lasts.

The right fit doesn’t have to be forever. The right fit is bound to change as our sense of self develops and we grow as people. But we need to understand the difference between something that makes us uncomfortable because it challenges us, or uncomfortable because it is the wrong fit. The bottom line is we must prioritise our happiness in the moment and take ownership of our individual contentment.

There was no point in my trying to lock myself in so early, searching for a suitable answer to the question “what do you want to be in the future?”; I’m currently in a job I couldn’t have dreamed of as a little kid because it didn’t yet exist. I foresee a non-linear career path for myself, and I have a feeling I’ll be asked this question many more times in my life and I’m okay with the answer changing as I do.

I used to try to answer truthfully before being shot down, some saying my desire wasn’t a viable option. Others would seem surprised by my response, which in turn sent my insecure self back to square one. Nowadays, I select my words more carefully and only share my true intentions with those who deserve to be in on the scoop. 

Discovering ways we can shape our own narratives should always be an active process. A quote that featured on my slightly-cringe-but-very-helpful vision board last year rang true each time I returned to it: “life isn’t about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself”. As soon as you realise that nothing is permanent, everything becomes a little bit easier.