53. Bobby “Bonds” Irwin
In the words of Snoop Dogg in California Gurls, Robert Irwin is toned, tanned, fit and ready to wow the world in his new campaign with Australian underwear giant, Bonds. If you haven’t blushed upon looking at the campagin, now you have. Irwin’s bronzy eight-pack is certainly easy on the eyes, but it is still a jarring experience (see hilarious recap of commentary from Shameless podcast) seeing little Bobby in this light.
Robert’s growing up is not breaking news and his maturity is certainly no secret; he’s a gentleman. However, his dapper outfits on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! Don’t come close to causing a reaction like this. This campaign ensued chaos and broke the little Aussie internet. The marketing geniuses behind this “Made for down under” campaign at Bonds, led by Kedda Ghazarian deserve a round of applause for how well they did their job this week.
But it’s still weird. Despite genetics and never meeting this young chap, Robert feels like a little brother, cousin or a close younger family friend you grew up with, at the least. It feels wrong to treat these images the way I treat my other internet crushes: with passion and desperation. In this instance, I must come to the table with integrity and maturity.
Four people in my life approached me about this campaign, mostly incessantly sharing videos on TikTok. Although I am not complaining, I just wonder if I have explicitly stated my adoration for Robert before this, or if I am just becoming the go-to friend for sexualised men in the spotlight? This behaviour needs analysing.
Semi-loudly stating, “And did you see his biceps in that one video?” in the office had me swivelling around to check that a manager wasn’t nearby. So I reflected on what I know to be true; this kind of talk from men about a woman’s body in the office would mostly probably be frowned upon. Woman have been and continue to endure through enough bullshit in the world so I say let us have this one.
Yes, I was the girl with posters of hot male celebrities plastered on my wall (not sure how I got away with it, thanks, mum and dad) however, dear reader, you must realise I am more nuanced than that 12-year-old version of me (we should hope). I’m notoriously multi-faceted. Determined to be more than just a pretty approachable face.
So please, before you send me a picture of a new celebrity thirst trap, keep in mind I am overthinking it and understanding it. This particular case calls for introspection and an understanding of the Aussie icon. My deliberation? Robert Irwin is undeniably yet endearingly hot now and we as a country must deal with it.
