23. You should read this, shouldn’t you?
Maybe Leonardo DiCaprio should have won an Oscar earlier in his career. Should he have gone with the pensive look in this picture, or something else? What should you do today? What should you have done yesterday? What should you do less of and do more of? What should you do to be a better person? The word should is probably used in your vocabulary more than you realise. It’s something I’ve been more conscious of since my psychologist months ago made me more aware of my usage of the word. That’s not to say that since then I’ve stopped using it and that this will be an advice bean by any means. I’m merely here to babble.
Why should that person have thought that thing? We haven’t got control over their thoughts. Why should your friend have known the thing you wanted them to follow up on was important if you haven’t told them so? Why should your partner have known you wanted to make plans this weekend if you haven’t explicitly asked them? Why should you be better at your job when you are trying your best, making do with the tools you have? We all suffer too much at the mercy of feeling like we should be doing something else. The word “should” needs to be re-framed into something else.
Realistically, instead of saying “I should be living more in the present and thinking less about the things I can’t control”, I need to be proactive. Pulling myself up and taking little steps to be more present, or actively putting time in my calendar to do the things I love that ground me (like this blog).
Becoming self-aware and acknowledging our shortcomings is the first step to improvement. Self-awareness comes in all shapes and sizes, I’ve experienced different iterations of what self-awareness looks like to me. Regardless, we must arrive at the realisations ourselves before action can begin. It’s easier said than done, and I can’t say I am fully there either but know that where you are is exactly where you are meant to be with the tools you have been given. Just like Leo, believe in yourself and your Academy Award, or its equivalent in your life, will be yours.
